The Days of Wine and Roses

Okay, so the summer isn't going to suck so much after all. It is still going to be a weird and strange season, but at least I don't want to "end it all" by quitting the world and living under a bridge or running off to live on an island.

My current production opened this week. It opened come hell or high water, and we had a little bit of both. But the audience enjoyed it and we are waiting on the critics.

I was even given particular praise from certain unexpected individuals, so that helped in putting aside the bitter taste of a miserable life that was the last couple of weeks.

Three more weeks to go and then I will try and enjoy July as much as possible. I have a cousin getting married in far off regions that I should probably go see. The Queen of Florida and the Queen Mother live in a kingdom near by, so I could also take a visit there and update them on my life. I could call, but there are some significant updates. We shall see ...

I Was Right

Have you ever done something you thought you were good at? Something that you have done for like 30 years? Something that you thought you did pretty well? And then someone comes along and tells you that you aren't doing so well and they might ask you to stop.

Ever have that happen?

Yeah, well, it sucks when it does. It really, really, REALLY sucks.

This summer is going to really suck ... Excuse me while I go roll up into a ball and wail for a bit.

Those Long Dog Days ...

The summer of 2006 is not going to be fun. I can just tell. It is going to be long and trying and stressful.

Why?

There is just too much trouble a brewing in too many lives that touch mine. First, of course, there is my own personal journey that just jumped tracks. And I am not talking train tracks or race tracks. I am talking roller-coaster tracks. Life was on the little kiddy coaster and now it is on the super duper loop coaster.

My friend Lemming is having diss. woes. My friend Brain is having his own crisis. The Queen of the Dweebs is a bit adrift and Carol, the Ancient Yuletide Troll, had her own smack upside the head recently.

Sometimes it is just too much. If only I could think about it all at Tara. Everyone needs a Tara, don't you think? Where the hell is my Tara?!

Those long long days ...

I am bored. I am bored and tired. I am bored and tired and going a little crazy.

That is the day I am having. Which only leaves you to wonder a bit. Am I really doing what I should be? Yes, though I wish there was more performing and less admin. Still, the idea of building an audience for my core theater is kind of exciting. We have 100 seats. We do 18 performances a run. Surely there are 1800 people out there for each show! Even 1440 would be nice. I mean, Houston is a huge city. Where are those 1440?

Lemming questioned about what she was doing with the rest of her life. I sometimes wonder what I have been doing with my life so far. Why I made the detours I did away from a life in the arts. Why I didn't make or understand other personal decisions earlier, like 6 or 10 years ago.

I don't know if there is an answer to any of that. Most times I see where the roads in life have brought me, think about the friends and family that surround me and then think what would probably not be there had I done things differently at any given time. When you see those things of value gone and it is hard to imagine what value may or may not replace it, it kind of makes you think it all just works out. Maybe not for the best, as they say, but it all just works out.

If a Tree Falls in the Woods ...

If a blogger blogs, but no one reads it, are they a blogger?

I don't think anyone reads my blog anymore. Not surprising really. I joined the blogsphere last year some time, and posted for a while, but found the things I wanted to blog about would be fleeting when I was at a computer, even if they were witty and abundant while, say, stuck in traffic.

At that time, I know I had a few readers. The Queen Mother for one, and Lemming would comment every so often.

Then I fell of the tracks.

I came back to the blogsphere just after my birthday. I had an odd need to be a part of the whole thing. I also had a big epiphany about my life, and needed some kind of outlet to talk about it. Which I did in metaphor, but pretty obvious, blatant metaphors.

I added my blog to sig lines in e-mail and started posting on other blogs to help announce my return, but have received no comments here. Not on the blog and not directly. No Lemming. No Queen Mother or Queen of the Dweebs. No Carol, the Yuletide Troll. Though Carol and QOTD probably didn't read before.

I suppose some of those folks are reading, know what I am talking about and are waiting for me to say something before they do themselves. So if they are, I hope they realize it is a big something to say out loud and are patient with me.

It may seem silly that it is so hard to say. Some will tell me it was painfully obvious, which makes me feel much like a fool, but there you have it and there it is.

Who are we really?

So, I was working with The Brain yesterday, as in Pinky and the Brain (I am Pinky), and he said to me, "Do you ever wake up and wonder who the hell you thought you were and who the hell are you now that you aren't who you thought you were."

"Why yes Brain, I have done that. Not too long ago, but no one believes me when I say I am Celopatra, Queen of the Nile."

Well, I didn't quite say that, but I did say that this has happened to me and none to recently. I really did think I knew who I was, who I was gonna be, and who I was expected to be.

Then 10 years ago I meet someone who didn't believe I was who I said, thought and expected to be. Of course they were wrong and I was right, and the mental tail spin of confusion they created was poppy cock.

But then, one day earlier this year, as the vortex of confusion and doubt was restarted by the presence of a new person in my life, I made myself face the reality that I am not exactly who I said, thought or expected to be.

Now I just have to get used to who I am ...

You Made Your Bed, Now Sleep In It

I have recently gotten into the habit of making my bed every morning. Not only when I change the sheets. Not half way when I need a good place to fold laundry. Every day.

The thing is, the room looks so much nicer when you come home and look into the room with a made bed. Some people will tell you, "Why make it, you are only going to mess it up later!", but don't listen. Your mother was right. Make your bed. Somehow life seems better.

Of course it means taking that extra bit of time in the A.M. as you are rushing out the door for work. I have found taking that moment to stop and make the bed is a bit zen. Your one moment to take a breath and not be running like an idiot gathering your day together.

So make your bed each morning and enjoy how your home looks when you come back from the long day. It's worth it!

Speak, BarlowGirl, Speak

'Cause I'm about to let go
And live what I believe
I can't do a thing now
But trust that You'll catch me
When I let go
When I let go

The Flowers the Bloom in the Spring, Tra la!

I have taken a few days mostly off to do some spring-cleaning. It is slow going but the results have been very satisfactory.

I started with the closet. I didn’t “clean out” the closet per se, but did get rid of the trash, organize the areas that could be better stored and got most of my Christmas stuff together and out to storage. There is still one mini trip where that is concerned.

Next has been the bedroom; all those areas that have not been dusted, places behind things that haven’t seen a vacuum in a few years, and the like. When an area is done, it looks so clean and proper. You would think that would be incentive to keep that way. Maybe this time …

The one thing I am glad to finally accomplish is level the two beside bookcases. In my apartment, anything against the wall slopes one way or the other because of the thick carpet pad. I was especially eager to attend to this project as I got a new lamp for the bedside that was tall and slim. This accentuated the backwards slope. I felt like a lived in the Joker’s lair!

I solved the problem with my hall bookcases by placing furniture sliders under the front legs. This made it almost perfectly level!

So this weekend I got new sliders, this time for the back corners of the bookcases. Again, near perfect fix

So, the rest of today, before I have appointments, will be for the front part of the bedroom, hall and maybe into the living room. If not, the living room tomorrow before I go back to work!

Hey Buddy, Can You Spare a Dime...

For those of you who do not work in theatrical customer service, you don't know what you are missing!

What is it with subscribers? I just had one track me down this weekend. He always asks for me as if I am the only one who can help him. Any of the people who work for me can handle exchanges and do so with successful regularity. But no, he has to have me, and if one isn't paying attention, he usually gets me.

Of course, I know what he wants. He wants me to exchange his tickets without having to pay the requisite upgrade. I am not going to that. We need the money, and he subscribed at the lowest level and wants to switch to the highest level for free.

What, are you high?

Moo with Me...

So, I am spending the day working on some personal home projects. To pass the time I have thrown in the DVD player RENT.

I am at the part when Maureen is doing her protest. The moment in the film is what it is, but the memory of the play is what makes this part of the movie kind of thrilling. At the end of the protest, Maureen asks the audience to, “Moo with me!” After some encouragement, they do and shortly after the protest is broken up by the cops.

As silly as it seems, this was one of the great moments in the play. On screen, the audience is the main characters and a bunch of extras. But in the theater, the audience is THE audience. Even on tour in Houston, where I saw the show, it doesn’t take long for Maureen to get one person to moo, then another and so on until the whole theater is playfully mooing. I am sure even some of those older, stodgier Broadway Series subscribers were mutedly mooing under their breath.

So now, when I see the scene in the movie, I get a little thrill because I remember the experience in the theater. A moment that was truly theatrical. A moment when performer and spectator worked as one and everyone was part of the experience, not just witnesses.

RENT, the movie, has its high and low points, yet it still is able to remind me why theater is so important and why it can’t just be a sideline or a hobby. It is truly a part of who I am.

Good Night and Good Luck...

I thought I had some pithy thoughts today, but nothing comes to mind now.

Good night Mrs. Callabash, wherever you are!

Some People Got No Reason ...

Can someone please tell me how is it that Bucky Covington is still on American Idol and Mandisa was just voted off?

Is there no justice on reality TV!

Please sir? Can I have some more?

In an effort to save money AND lose weight, I made an effort to organize myself, go to the store, and stock up on stuff for lunch and snacks. I have totally wasted my funds on buying lunch at work, and that just needs to stop.

So, I packed a nice little lunch with a couple of snacks. Now it is all gone and I am starving!!!!! I really want to go get something from like Starbucks or the like, but I really need not too. Not only should I NOT spend the money, I don't need the calories.

What I DO need is to save money and lose 10 pounds!

Come Spirit, Come Charm ...

I visited the grave of a dear friend today. It was the first time I ever went on my own I think. At least at a time that wasn’t marking his death. I went in hopes of drawing some inspiration from his life and the relationship that we had.

My friend died in 1998, almost seven and a half years ago. It is amazing to think that he has been gone that long. As I thought about it, I realized that I had only met him about ten and a half years ago.

The result of this is that this man became an important part of my life, a dear friend and colleague, in just about three years. It is sometimes amazing to think how quickly human attachments can be made.

I only visited him for a few moments, bringing him to my thoughts, trying to imagine his answers to my questions. I have made a lot of self discovery in the past few weeks around my most recent birthday, and here was a friend who very clearly saw to the heart of me and knew me better than I did.

I wonder what life would be like now if I had listened to him and asked these questions seven and a half years ago...

You wouldn't like me when I'm angry...

So, I haven't really gotten the hang of this blog thing. I so want to be a part of it though, it is just by the time I get to my computer, all the pithy toughts have morphed into the mundane. What is a blog worth if it doesn't provide some kind of entertainment?

Franklin Covey says the best way to get used to using a date book is to take it everywhere you go. So I am going to try and blog every day for a while, even if I don't have anything to say. What the hell, I babble on answering machines, why not the 'net.

I picked this quiz up from tommyspoon.
Muahahahaha!

You Are 46% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

Speaking in tounges

Did you ever think that you were right about something, and believed it with everything you had, only to find out that you were wrong?

Like, you knew the world was flat, and told everyone the world was flat, even when they said it was round, and finally they let you believe it was flat.

I think the world might actually be round...

The Pain of Martyrdom

So, I haven't really gotten the hang of this blog thing, but I had to post this.

The theater I work for is playing Ouroboros and last night a small group leaves at intermission. Now, we get this every night. It is actually a good thing that we are pissing a few people off.

So, as the second act is starting, the house manager tells this group the second act is about to start. The kind of sniff and then say, "We aren't staying to see a person get martyred, even if they are a homosexual and deserve it!", and then promptly left.

The kicker is they then called the theater today and complained that it was the worst thing they ever saw, it was filthy and disgusting and pornographic.

Ha! And they didn't even stay for the most "shocking" part of the show.

So, Houston people, come see the show that Brenda Jackson calls, "Filthy! Disgusting and Pornographic!" Now at Main Street Theater!

Go 'Stros part 2

So, the White Sox won the World Series, and they won it in 4 games. That is a little disappointing. It would have been nice if the Astos could have won at least one game.

Even though it was a 4 game win, it was a hard fought series, yes? Let us not forget the one game that went until 2am! And it was longer than the 18 inning game in the penant race!

One thing I was glad to see is the amount of fans, who, in the end, were still proud that we were in the World Series. This is a new age of Houston fans. In the past, losing would have made the team persona no grata. Houston fans used to be so fickle. Our fans are maturing I suppose and truly developing team loyalty over the we love 'em when they win but despise 'em when they loose mentality.

Better luck and a closed roof next year!!!

Go 'Stros!

I was born in Houston and lived the first 9 years of my life there (and the last 13). That makes me an Astros fan. Even at 9 when I moved to Western Mass. and had my choice of Boston and NYC teams to support, I stayed loyal to the Astros. That is just the kind of fan I am.

I am not a big follower of sports. I am alwasy interested in how the home town team is doing, and start to follow closely as things get big. This does not make me a fair weather fan though. I don't abandon them in my thoughts when they lose. I feel sad and hope for better things in the future.

Well my friends, the future is now! We are in the World Series! Yippie ki yi yay m*&%*# f#*&@!

Now my friend Hugh is a Chicago fan. I think his primary interests belong to the Cubs, so I don't know what he thinks about the Sox.

Now it's time for a little smack talk . . .
The Sox suck man! They gonna looooooose! Go 'Stros!