Small Minds Still Live!

I manage the general e-mail box for the theater and we recieved the following e-mail about our current production. I have also included the internal "response" a co-worker wrote. Names have been deleted to protect the small minded!

SUBJECT: Mr. Pim Passes By
B****,

Congratulations on producing this funny comedy! It is a refreshing change
from some of the previous productions involving crude and vulgar language,
profanity, homosexuality and blasphemy. These are downers and we like
uppers. We go to the theater to have fun and get our spirits lifted, not to
get depressed.

Mr. Pim only had 3 "damns" and one crude word and since Milne wrote it in
1919, these words may have been added since then to make it more modern.

We hope the rest of the season productions are just as good.

Merry Xmas and Happy New Year!

L**** and B*****
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Dear L**** and B*****,

Thank you for your positive sentiments. You will be pleased to know that
our 2008-2009 season consists entirely of time-honored classics from writers
such as Euripedes (The Bacchae), Shakespeare (Titus Andronicus), the theatre
of the Restoration ('Tis Pity She's a Whore), and Oscar Wilde (Salome).
There are probably not three "damns" in the entire season, so it will not
fail to lift your spirits!

We are highly aware of some audience members' sensitivities, and to honor
those concerns we are planning to take further steps to assist those patrons
in controlling their exposure to the offensive. Each audience member will
be provided with a headset and buzzer as well as a small rectangular black
card. The buzzer can be pressed or the card held up (vertically or
horizontally) when you deem it necessary to censor the language or spectacle
for yourself.

Hoping every season from now on is an "upper" for you, etc.

P.S. However, if you do not wish to see any homosexuals at the theater you
should probably just stay home.
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By the by, my character is responsible for one of those "damns". I doubt that it was added later.